Dear you,
It's been almost three weeks since I have last seen you. It'll be a month in 13 days. What do you want me to do? I want to be with you. I love you to no end and you're hurting me. Can you just tell me what you want from me and stop playing games with my mind? I'm so lost and hurt and confused. Won't you fix me and this? Tell me everything that is on your mind. I want you, only you. No one else. I just want it to be you and me forever.
-Me

So much is happening lately and the days have all begun to fell the same. I have fallen in love, and I lost it and now I feel way more than empty. School days seem to mesh together, and I can't seem to shake him from my mind. He has disappeared like a ghost this way before, so I don't understand why it's so much harder for me to let him go this time. I don't have anything that ties me to him besides being in complete love, but I need it to stop. I need to get over it; I need to move on like the adult that I am. Being abandoned by a man is nothing new to me so I'll get over it eventually.

Because of her...

Those moments when all you want is your best friend back, and the only reason as to why you lost him is because of his new girlfriend. When a boy gives up his world, his everything for that girl. He hurts so many others, and does not even give a care in the world about it. When you go back and think about all the great memories that you had had with all of his other friends and he just puts them in a box in the back of his closet to save for the future to remember what his life was like before her. One day when it is much too late he will realize his mistake, and no one will be willing to let him back into their lives except for me. The moment when you realize that even though your best friend is gone, to start his life without you, you do not want him to be gone. The moments when you need him the most, and when you just want to cry like it is no ones business. Those moments when you drive past his house and you just want him to hold you in his arms and tell you that everything will be okay. When he tells you that the boy does not deserve you when he breaks your heart. I just want the boy that was my best friend back, and I cry each and every day for him. Not a single day goes by as to when I do not get even the littlest thought of him. It sucks when everywhere you go even the littlest thing reminds you of him. Those days when you do get the courage to call him or text him and he does not answer the phone or reply to you. It feels like he just disappeared but you know he did not when you randomly see him in places like walking down the street or at the fireworks, and you want to say hi but do not dare to because she is with him. She hates me for no reason at all. She hates you because you want him to be a part of your life, and because you invited him to your senior prom because you did not have anyone else to go with.

The moments when you just want to give up, and you do just about anything to try to forget him, but nothing helps. No matter how many boys you talk to or try to date. Not even the boys who you try to get to replace him as a best friend. Nothing is ever the same, and you end up pushing away those other guys because they just are not that one special guy. No one compares to you, but I am not good enough to compare to her.

My new hair!

Each Day

Each day something new grows;

many things have happened

in these four very short years.

They say each day is new,

but it's the same in it's own way

lets forgive the past, and think.

We have to think about our future

plan it all through

with houses and cars, along with a child or two

As each new day grows

we'll believe it is true,

my feelings for you.

Feelings are words,

they just seem unspoken

As each new day grows

we'll learn to express them.

I need my best friend,

I feel so disconnected.

Don't talk to anyone,

feel all alone in this big world.

A break down feels so welcome,

warm tears pouring down my face.

Chorus

I need you to hold me,

and tell me that it's okay,

that I'm worth something,

and I'm not alone in this scary place

I try to keep myself distracted,

but it's not working any more.

The hurt deep inside it's killing me,

and it's not killing by slowly anymore.

I don't know what to do,

but I wish you you could help me through.

Chorus X2

I feel like the walking dead,

hurting so much I'm ignoring the world.

What more can I do to distract myself?

I've been doing all I can think of.

I thought running away from it would help,

but it only makes everything so much worse...

Chorus

     As each day passed the girl grew father and farther apart from her old life. Each day she avoided someone new; she wanted nothing to do with other people. They just were not her thing. But that is not how it use to be. Before things happened with THEM she was a very social person. THEY changed her; made her into something that she never in her life wanted to be. How could someone be as cruel to her as THEY were? She just wanted to start a completely new life, but that is hard to do when you have so many memories that you just can not seem to forget. Each day as she sat at home she relived all of those memories. Every memory was as clear to her just like it was the first time that it had happened to her. As usual as soon as one thought entered her mind to trigger one of those memories that memory had to be remembered until the very end of it, no matter how painful it was to her. She thought that she be use to the pain by now, but each time it cut through her like a knife. Every memory or reminder was a new open seeping wound. The girl just wanted it to stop, but she knew that would never ever happen.

      Going through life is hard, but no one said that it was going to be easy. Every single person will get hurt in their life, and every person will regret some things in life. Some people are brave and take every chance that they receive to try to change their life in order to make it more interesting. Then there are some people who spend their entire life debating on taking chances, and they regret it because they do not know what could have been. The last type of people are the ones who do not take any chances at all, because they do not want to get hurt, but in the end they end up being the people who hurt the most.

     Another part of life is that not one single person can be happy at every moment in their entire life. Each person is entitled to unhappiness, and it happens to every person no matter how someone may appear to seem. Looks can be extremely deceiving.

      As each day passed a new one began, and I was still completely in love with you. You were the one man that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. My lifetime love.

How do you explain to someone that the man of your dreams loves you but wants nothing to do with you? How do you move on from that?

     My heart breaks over and over again each time I think about him, like a piece of glass shattering again and again.

     I never thought that I would ever need a man in my life, especially not after the past relationships that I have had. I thought that all men were assholes and I had no idea that I would fall in love.

     Love is a wonderful feeling but when things go wrong it can be one of the worst feelings. When I fell in love it was all fun and games in the beginning, but when it got to the point where he didn't want to talk to me except for maybe one day a week things began to fall apart including my heart.

     How do you tell someone that you love them, but never talk to them? He ignores me, and I don't want to just walk away from everything. I told him that I would be there for him no matter what, but how can I do that if he won't let me into his mind. It's really frustrating.